Friday Night Fights

[Madame SidlerKeymaster]

Who would win in a fight?

This is going to be a funny place to have imaginary fights between characters or creatures in the series, or between Wingfeather characters and those from other series or even from outside of books. Every once in awhile, I (or one of you!) can post a matchup, and then we can have play-arguments about who would win. (Not necessarily on Fridays; that’s just a joke from wrestling tournaments and Stephen Colbert.)

First match: Snickbuzzard vs. Squeeblin. GO!

[Sam Durga]

This is tough! The snickbuzzard can snick- as well as buzz!- but I’m not sure if it can do either one before the squeeblin betrays it.

For me, it’s a toss-up between umbilical implications and hidden treachery- and I vote for treachery. But this could totally go either way.

Would there be any handicaps with the snickbuzzard being able to fly and the squeeblin not?

[Noah Aikens]

I don’t think I quite remember the squeeblin. maybe that’s a good excuse to read the series again.

[Madame SidlerKeymaster]

Noah, yes! Read them again! 😀 (The squeeblin is in the Creaturepedia, though, which is maybe why you don’t remember it from the series.)

[Madame SidlerKeymaster]

Okay, new matchup: Quill diggle vs. horned hound. Who will win?

[Peet the Sock Man]

Quilldiglle

[Noah Aikens]

horned hound

[Miss Mary]

Hmmm, this is a good one. I think it might depend on the specific ones of each species, but in general I would suspect the quilldiggle will come out on top. The reasons I suspect so are that while horned hounds are extremely ferocious and determined, and have that dangerous horn, they still have the major weakness of their kind known in our world…that sensitive nose…a few well aimed quills and suddenly the quilldiggle is not such a fun prey after all.

I also suspect if they lost these matches frequently then we would never know about quilldiggles at all since they can be found in the same areas. They probably would have become extinct long before now if they couldn’t defend against horned hounds.

Of course, I don’t see them winning on the offense either. They just aren’t made for it. They can’t chase down a horned hound and make it surrender to them! So if the hound was not on the offensive I think it would be a draw.

[Madame SidlerKeymaster]

Butterbread, or bread-and-butterflies?

[Rebecca]

Bread and butterflies

[The Terrethian]

The baker always wins!

[Elia]

I would like to see the rest of the fight between Janner and the Quill Diggle. Or how about a Bomnuble vs. a small Sea Dragon?

[Madame SidlerKeymaster]

Elia, great ideas! Especially the bomnubble vs. dragon—wow.

[Jaiden]

I would like to see a fight between a squeeblin and a ridge-runner. That would be amusing.

[cadwick]

i sometimes play a game like that with friends on a car ride called epic duels. its where you pair two movie characters and tell what weapons they have and then decide who would win. its fun.

[Madame SidlerKeymaster]

Would you rather wrestle an alligator, or a daggerfish?

[Elia Tyson]

I think what Madame Sidler is trying to ask is whether you would rather be chewed to death or stabbed to death. As for me, I think I’ll just steer clear of rivers and swamps all together.

[Rebecca]

Maybe a daggerfish lol

[Danniby]

What about Bilbo (young-ish) VS all the fangs in Glipwood?

[Toklaham Veruzia]

If there were a lot of Fangs, Bilbo could possibly trick them into killing each other. Or maybe light a fire and summon all the beasts in GLipwood to come eat the Fangs. I don’t see how he could win in a straight-up fight. Hobbits aren’t renowned for their fighting skills.

[Madame SidlerKeymaster]

By “Fangs in Glipwood,” I assume we are talking about the less-clever Green Fangs? I think Bilbo would have an easier time with them than with Grey Fangs.

[Rebecca]

Too late now he’s thin and stretched like butter over too much bread

[Rebecca]

Um would you please taking my last name off that? Sorry and thanks . Ugh autofill is invented by ridgerunners! Lol

[Madame SidlerKeymaster]

Done!

[Rebecca]

Thanks 🤗

[The Terrethian]

I think Bilbo would just escape from the Fangs, not fight them.

[Miss Mary]

I am not completely sure who would win this… I am betting that Bilbo would though given his advantages of Sting and most importantly a certain ring.

The Fangs of Glipwood have the advantages of numbers certainly, but numbers can become a disadvantage if you can’t stay unified and work together. And historically the Fangs of Glipwood are not particularly good at teamwork even without invisible enemies. Add a burglar who can creep silently and invisibly just about anywhere and they would REALLY get into fights.

His main risk would be that someone would run into him or squish him by accident while fighting with each other. No way to be sure to avoid every collision in a crowd…and toothy cows and other wild things are still a problem…and he has never seen them before.

Bilbo wins…unless he goes home for supper before they are all gone.

[Elia Tyson]

Kylo Ren vs. The Florid Sword.

[Madame SidlerKeymaster]

Ha!

That is tricky, because while the Florid Sword would probably leap down from a roof and therefore have the element of surprise, he also knows when he’s overmatched and feels no shame in dashing off and picking up the fight again later in another way. What would happen if the fight started to go in Kylo’s favor? Would the Florid Sword stick it out? And if he did, would he regain the upper hand?

[Toklaham Veruzia]

Unless the Florid Sword had an opportunity to upgrade his sword to a lightsaber, he’d be at a severe disadvantage due to being incapable of parrying Kylo’s blows. Kylo Ren could also use the Force to throw things, shoot lightning or choke his opponent, so he’d have an additional advantage. However, he also has an ugly temper, so the Florid Sword could probably provoke him into acting rashly. If they were on the streets of Dugtown, the Florid Sword would have a better understanding of the terrain and could dash away, then launch a surprise attack later. But if they were fighting on an Imperial ship, he wouldn’t stand a chance.

[Sara Cobler]

A skreean bomnubble VS a symian bomnubble

[Sara Cobler]

From Pembrick’s Creaturepedia

Bomnubble (Skreean)
Weakness: None. Unless you count its appetite, which was my salvation that day in the den, for it woke from its restless slumber, sniffed the air, and set out for more munchables, which allowed me time to make my escape.

Bomnubble (Symain)
Weakness: Napping. Sunshine. Sailing, evidently.

[Madame SidlerKeymaster]

No weaknesses for the Skreean Bomnubble! I suspect it would have an advantage over the comparatively relaxed Symian Bomnubble.

[Vekka Youngbeast]

Agreed. Symain bomnubble, it is

[Vekka Youngbeast]

This is a fun idea! Can we resurrect it?

[Madame SidlerKeymaster]

Absolutely! Do you want to start us off? 🙂

[Vekka Youngbeast]

Oh! Well, um… Lessee…

6 Grey Fangs vs. a Toothy Cow

[Celidah]

I must agree with Tolkaham. I don’t see how 6 smart, sentient Gray Fangs wouldn’t outwit a toothy cow. Now multiple toothy cows, on the other hand…

[Toklaham Veruzia]

The Grey Fangs have sentience, so they could plan ahead and trap the cow.

[I.L]

This doesn’t have to be on Friday… Does it?

Water-horse vs Sea-dragon

[Madame SidlerKeymaster]

Nope, any day is fine. 🙂 Good matchup!

[Isaac Loyd]

🙂 They were pretty similar, so it would be interesting to see which one.

[Peet the Sock Man]

Sea Dragon

[Vekka Youngbeast]

Toklaham, Celidah — Welllll I haven’t read it in a long time so…….
I.L. — I immediately thought sea dragon, but then again I don’t know what a water-horse is

[Colson]

What about Artham or Legolas?

[Celidah]

Oooo, Arthram vs Legolas is a tough one. If, theoretically, it were a fight to the death, Legolas could probably track & shoot Arthram out of the sky. I don’t think Arthram would be faster than Legolas’s arrows. But a friendly spar is a much tougher call.

[The Terrethian]

But then, why would these guys fight?

[Celidah]

Like I said, maybe Legolas & Artham would do a friendly spar? Legolas couldn’t use his arrows if so, though. Or maybe he could carry the finest Elvish Nerf arrows.

[Hannah]

It would depend on if Peet maintained his sanity throughout the fight. If not, he’s dead. Or if it’s windy. Cause if it is, Peet can still claw Legolas to death, but Legolas would be completely vulnerable, because he wouldn’t be able to shoot straight. Under perfect weather conditions… I have no idea (my sister says they would get bored, because they are evenly matched).

[Colson]

a group of Sea Dragons or Smaug?

As mush as I love Sea Dragons my bet is on Smaug 🙂

[Isaac Loyd]

Yeah, Smaug could blast their heads while they are trying to snap at him. And he is more experienced at flying, even if it was after the fourth book.

[Celidah]

True, but if a swarm of sea dragons were attacking Smaug, could he really hit them all before being overwhelmed? (Disclaimer: I haven’t seen the Desolation of Smaug, so I have no idea what movie Smaug is like in action.)

[Hannah]

But is this fight in water or on land? Cause I don’t think Smaug would win in water. Swimming, at least.

[Peet the Sock Man]

Smaug

[Toklaham Veruzia]

Smaug seems quite inefficient in Desolation, seeing as he (mild spoiler) fights the dwarves for 30 straight minutes of film and doesn’t manage to so much as scar a single one of them.

It’s probably better to consider Smaug’s fighting capabilities by the way he’s described in the book. 🍿🍿😏

[Colson]

What about J.R.R Tolkein on a Warg or Andrew Peterson on Nugget!

[Vekka Youngbeast]

Ha! Um… Maybe the warg. But then again, I’m no expert on LOTR

[Madame SidlerKeymaster]

That is an amazing mental image. XD

[Celidah]

I have nothing to add to this thread except that the mental image of Tolkien & AP going at it on a warg & Nugget respectively is cracking me up.

[Peet the Sock Man]

A.P on Nugget

[I.L]

The warg would have an even chance with Nugget, whereas Nugget succeeds the warg in size and strength, the warg has more ferocity than Nugget, and if it gets close, could rip the trachea out easily. I have no idea on this one, it probably depends on the weapons that A.P. and J.R.R have. Like if J.R.R has a orcish crossbow, and A.P. has a hollish-hammer, J.R.R would win. And if A.P. has the florid-sword’s sword and J.R.R has a hobbit-sling, A.P. would win.

[Noah Aikens]

In the pictures I have seen of Tolkien, AP seems to be in much better shape. But I really want Tolkien to win because he’s just such an awesome writer. But then again Tolkien would probably despise us for thinking he may ride a warg.

[Hannah]

Are Nugget and the Warg doing the actual fighting, or is it reliant on the riders? And would AP be able to maintain his focus, or would he be too giddy?

[Madame SidlerKeymaster]

“…if it gets close, could rip the trachea out easily” and “In the pictures I have seen of Tolkien, AP seems to be in much better shape” made me laugh so hard, you guys. XD

[I.L]

Three Bat-fangs vs Two fishy Stonekeepers

[Madame SidlerKeymaster]

That’s tricky! They would be able to evade each other pretty easily, but would they fight in the air or on a ship or on land? Do they have weapons?

[Colson]

Thorin Oakensheild or Gammon?

[I.L]

Gammon would, Thorin is a good fighter, but he is easily susceptible to sneak-attacks, as shown in the Battle of Five Armies (I’m not sure if he would lose as easy if it was the Thorin in the book). Gammon is used to using hiding places and ambushes, so he would win.

[Peet the Sock Man]

Throrin

[Leeli]

How about Narnian tree people VS a bomnubble

[I.L]

Dryads vs a bomnubble?

Depends on how many dryads, and it also depends if the bomnubble has an axe, so it can cut down the dryads.

[Peet the Sock Man]

What about Andrew Peterson on Nugget v.s. Rick Riordan on a toothy cow.

[Brighton Nelson]

1. Andrew Peterson on Nugget, obviously.
2. Why would Rick Riordan ride a toothy cow?

[Brighton Nelson]

Batman vs. Artham P. Wingfeather

[Peet the Sock Man]

Artham

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