Kindness and unkindness: Can I help you?

[Madame SidlerKeymaster]

If you have any questions or concerns about how to interact with each other on the site, please let me help.

[rebecca]

I would like to know if I’ve done wrong so far.

[Madame SidlerKeymaster]

No, honey, you’ve always been kind. If I worry about you it’s never about your behavior. But if wondering was going to stress you out, I’m glad you asked. We are all good. 🙂

[Miss Mary]

I am not an administrator or anyone official, but I have not seen anything questionable from you. As best as I remember you have always been nice to the rest of us. Sometimes worried about things (as am I sometimes), but never rude or demeaning.

I know that sometimes it is easy to say things that read that way accidentally so whoever is having trouble with it may not mean to. I have seen it in my own posts on a different forum and had to post less frequently for a while until I didn’t sound so snarky, (it was really more tired, but it was coming out snarky) but I have not seen that from you here.

[Teresa B.]

Hello! Yes, Madame Sidler, there was some content on “favorite recipes” but it appears that you found it since I asked on the FAQ thread! Thank you Thank you! Good job on the Nia-like eyes! 🙂 I can’t believe how you seem to see everything! 😀 You should probably get a Durgan patch for that. 😉

[rebecca]

kindly letting everyone know that there is inappropriate content in the recipe thread.
:/

[Madame SidlerKeymaster]

Teresa, haha! And thank you again!

Rebecca, I’m not seeing anything now; can you check again and let me know if the one you’re seeing is the one I deleted? I hope that’s the only one. :-/ These things don’t slip through our spam filters very often, but it’s so distressing when they do.

[rebecca]

lol sorry
yeah its fine now.

[Madame SidlerKeymaster]

Oh good! That was so discumbersomebubblating!

Rebecca, I have been missing you lately!

[rebecca]

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious

Just quiet these days and haven’t finished the wingfeather tales
You are sweet 🐸😍

[cadwick]

I agree, every one in here is so nice. I have not found anything bad on here though I hear there is something inappropriate. I hope and don’t think it was me. I just put what I had baked and invented. I didn’t notice it cause I was just skimming. But on the good note I made chocolate a couple days ago. I thought it tasted like a dark chocolate peanut butter cup.

Cadwick

And if it was me I didn’t try to.

[Madame SidlerKeymaster]

Oh, no, Cadwick! Definitely not you! It was just gross spam that got through our filter. I know you would never post the sort of thing we were seeing. It’s deleted now, which is why you’re not seeing it.

You made your own chocolate? That’s so cool!

[Madame SidlerKeymaster]

(And I loved hearing about your baking experiments! It made me want to try blueberry gooeyballs. I have been thinking about that one for a long while.)

[Madame SidlerKeymaster]

Here is something I want to say real quick:

I love you guys. You are so dear to my heart. I don’t want you to worry about whether you’ve accidentally broken the rules. If anybody here says something that hurts someone else or might be considered mean or inappropriate, I promise I will very gently talk to you personally. That will be uncomfortable for both of us, but I value your presence here and your heart so much. You can always ask me for help if you need, and it is okay to ask whether you’ve done anything wrong. I understand that worry so well. And I promise not to leave you wondering whether or not you’re okay.

We have only two rules here: 1) Be mindful of spoilers, and 2) Love each other. You guys are very good at those rules. 🙂 And even spoilers are not as important to me as you are. 😉

[Teresa B.]

I love ya’ll!

And, Cadwick and Rebecca, if you ever want to add to the flabbit room, I’d love to read it! (or, I know I haven’t read everything yet, if you have already added).

[rebecca]

i dont really write big stories.

[cadwick]

I hope to send in some things for the flabbit room. The problem is that I get around 20 min of computer time each day so I don’t have much time to write and there are other things I want to do.

And Madame Silder, thank you for being so kind and insterested in what every one on here is doing. To every one on wingfeather, you guys are so nice and fun. One of the great things on here is that every one is so nice, and understanding.

I asked this on something else but I got no answers. Do you ever have times when you’re talking about people on here to other people. It often goes like this, ” Some of my friends, I mean people I talk, I mean type to …” I mean I like to think of all you people on here as some of my best friends. So is it OK to say that you’re some of my best friends cause I feel like we are all great friends on some ways.

To sum it up, thanks for being great friends and for understanding and being kind to everyone.

Cadwick

[Miss Linda]

Yes, I completely understand the awkwardness of trying to explain who all of you are to people that I know. I don’t want to say “some guy on the internet said….” because that minimizes the very real friendships that I have built here. But if I say “my friend said” then people get confused because they expect a friend to be someone I have actually met. But sometimes my friends are people I have NOT met, but have talked to a whole lot. And then if we ever do meet, it is extra fun because there isn’t so much “getting to know you” awkwardness. We already know each other, we just have to get used to interacting without a computer.

[cadwick]

BTW I think it would be amazing if we could all get together some how. Not sure how but it would be amazing. I have wanted to meet so many of you people and to talk and hang out.

CAdwick

[Elia Tyson]

Yes, that would be great! Except that I live on the other side of the world…. Maybe you guys could meet and Skype me in. Let’s see where everyone lives.
Ahem. Hello, my name is Elia Tyson, and I live in Don Chan, Thailand, and I like Andrew Peterson. (That’s pretty much how I introduce myself.) Add your name and state (and city if you want) bellow if you are in favor of a “Featherhead Group Meeting”.

By the way, Madame Sidler, I think I heard that you live in Colorado? Is that correct? One of my best friends lives in Colorado Springs. How far away from there are you?

[Madame SidlerKeymaster]

Guys, I love the idea of all getting together! <3 I have to step in and say, though, that if you are under 18 we need for you to talk to your parents about internet safety before you share details like where you live. Andrew and I want this site to be a safe place for everyone, and so far it has been, but the internet as a whole is not always safe and we just want to be mindful. (And I would love to get together.)

Elia, yes, I am about two hours away from Colorado Springs, where Andrew will be next weekend! I wonder if your friend is coming to the Anselm Society event. If so tell them to watch out for me. 🙂

[Elia Tyson]

Oh, sorry Madame Sidler. I didn’t think about that.
My friend didn’t mention it, but I’ll have to tell her Mr. Peterson is gong to be there.

[cadwick]

I agree about the under 18 so I will need to talk to parents. Not meaning that you would do stuff when you knew where I lived of course.
Elia I love how you called it a feather head meeting. It’s what it is though.

I have great aunt and uncle that live in beuana vista. Or how ever you spell it. But I would be amazing if we could get together and of course skype Elia during it.

[cadwick]

Madame Silder. quick question, have you gone to the great sand dunes? The sand get every where. we went when we visited relitives in Colorado.

Cadwick

[Teresa B.]

Because I’m a teacher and tend to be a bit more safety-conscious than some, here’s a great policy from a website about this idea–don’t share your: 1.Full name 2.School name 3. Address
4. Email 5. Phone number 6. Current location 7. Future location

I know that there are some slight exceptions, but, ultimately, the internet is open to everyone, so, imagine shouting this information at MacDonalds or it being announced on the news, and think about if that would be ok. 🙂 I know that’s seems silly, but, it’s good to remember that it’s a great huge world, open to everyone, which is hard because we have to watch what we say. It’s also awesome, though, because all of us found fellow “feather heads” on this site! 🙂

[Elia Tyson]

Those are good ideas. I guess I’ve gotten less cautious living in Thailand. People are always asking names and taking pictures and asking where I live, so I guess I’m just used to giving out that kind of info.

Let’s see how many of those I’ve been doing already:
1. Since I wrote a book, my full name is up in several places on the internet already, I don’t think it makes much of a difference to have it here, too.
2. I’m homeschooled, soooooo…
3. There aren’t really addresses in our neighborhood, and if there were, no one pays attention to them in Thailand anyway. No problem there.
4. Again, I put it up as contact info since I wrote a book.
5. Phone number? No way.
6. & 7. Not on the internet.

Let’s see, that’s only %28.5 wrong. Not too bad.
Thanks for the tips!

[Teresa B.]

Oh, and one more note– if there is an internet link that seems like it could be bad (like, if you don’t know who it’s from), just don’t click on it. It could be bad for your computer and for you!
Ok, I think I’m done being the teacher and back to normal self. 🙂 Hope that rant wasn’t overstepping bounds, but I felt like I needed to get that out there.

[Elia Tyson]

The other thing I love about this forum is how quickly people post responses. 🙂

[Madame SidlerKeymaster]

Thanks for those tips, Teresa! Very helpful.

No, I don’t think anyone in our Featherhead community would misuse the information that it feels natural to share. I’m glad we all feel we can trust each other. It’s just wise to remember that this is a public forum.

Cadwick, I have not been to those dunes, but Professor Sidler has gone backpacking there before. We have been to the Dunes by Lake Michigan, too. It was very windy that day. A friend and I ran UP a little hill and then back DOWN (very fast; we couldn’t help it). There was a lighthouse and driftwood and we watched the waves. It was COLD (New Year’s Day, I think), and we found huge chunks of ice all coated with sand, and I liked to step on them and feel them crack and crumble under my feet. It was a good day. But very different from your experience, I bet!

Did you get to drive around in the mountains when you visited? I love the canyons here.

[Elia Tyson]

I haven’t been to any sand dunes in Colorado, but I used to live close to White Sands National Monument (I hope that doesn’t violate any of the privacy tips…). I really liked where we lived because we had huge sand dunes to sled down in the summer and huge snowy hills (up in the mountains that we lived near) to sled down during the winter. Good memories.
Speaking of which, I’ve been to Colorado a couple of times, and I really enjoyed it. Dad and I spent a lot of time rafting on little lakes and rivers. No swimming, though. Colorado is COLD.

[Teresa B.]

Ah, yes! I’d only been to Lake Erie, then I visited Lake Michigan, and realized, it’s BEAUTIFUL!

[Elia Tyson]

This is a little off topic but since this is where all of the discussion is going on at the moment:
My mom is pregnant with my fifth little brother or sister! The due date is October 24! If you guys have name ideas that’d be great, because I’m having trouble thinking of many good ones. I’d like to give him or her a Wingfeather name, but I don’t think my parents would go for that… maybe in a few years when I have one of my own. 🙂

Kind of relating to what Cadwick was talking about, it’s kind of cool that you guys were some of the main people who came to mind when my parents told me that I could share the news. Thanks for being my friends!

[Madame SidlerKeymaster]

Wow, Elia!! Congratulations to your whole family! <3

[Elia Tyson]

Thank you!

[Rebecca]

Congratulations! 😎

[cadwick]

So happy for you and your family. I love babies. I got to become an uncle almost 2 years ago and it is so much fun to play with my niece.

Cadwick

Just wondering about where we live and stuff like that. Is it safer if when we shared ( if we do) that we do it over the flabbit room E-mail? Is it any safer over E-mail?

Hope we can get together sometime.

[Elia Tyson]

An uncle, huh? That’s cool. Unfortunately for me, I’m the oldest kid in my family by four years, so I won’t have any nephews or nieces for quite a while. 🙂

[Teresa B.]

Cadwick, to answer your question, I think what Sidler said is quite wise.
(In Oscar N. Reteep voice):

In the words of Madame Sidler, keeper of the posts/ comments/ and/or words: “ask your parents.” 🙂

Wow, Elia! That’s so super awesome! I’m excited for you and your family! Hmm…names…I love Old Testament Bible names for boys. And I love flower names for girls or attributes, like Patience or Grace. My favorite Wingfeather name has always been Madia, though I doubt that I would name my child after a character either, as much as I do love it! 😀

[cadwick]

Just so you know Teresa I had no intention of doing it without my parents being OK with it. But I agree with what Madame Silder said too. Hope I didn’t seem mean at the beginning. So happy to have you guys as friends.

Cadwick.

And of course I will ask my parents.

[Teresa B.]

No, you’re totally fine, Cadwick! You didn’t seem mean. Sorry if I made you feel that way, or if my silliness came across as sarcastic!
I just didn’t want to ignore your question, but also didn’t have a great answer to it, but parents generally do. That’s great that you’re involving them! That builds trust so much!

[cadwick]

You’re also totally fine, you did nothing wrong. Just sometime I’m not sure if the wording I put it in made it seem mean, but thankfully it didn’t. And I sometimes forget that you don’t know my personality of asking my parents about things. Do you have any tips on how to say something but make sure it doesn’t seem mean? I have the problem of after I type something on here saying to my self, ” I hope I didn’t seem mean.”

Cadwick

[Madame SidlerKeymaster]

I have that feeling sometimes, too. Hm—how to combat that?

I think that a lot of times, this comes down to relationships. It can be hard to guess at someone’s tone, like you said, but the more we interact (even online) the better we get to know each other and the better we can interpret each other. I don’t think I’ve ever read something you’ve posted and thought “Wow, Cadwick is mean today.” (Although even if I did, notice that word today—you don’t have a habit of meanness, so it would stand out and maybe even signal to me that you’re having a bad day. We all have bad days, but we like each other and want to like each other. We can bear with each other on those bad days.

Two other thoughts:
1) Because this comes down to getting to know each other over time, you can build a habit of loving people. When someone says something you think is right on, tell them so. Or when you disagree or want to bring a different slant to the conversation, before you say “I disagree,” first say what you do agree about, or thank the person for their thoughts or for making you think. That helps them to know that you respect their point of view, even if you disagree.
2) If you accidentally hurt someone’s feelings, apologize. You don’t have to stress or be defensive or worry if you’re still welcome. We can get through anything. And then just keep hanging out and posting, because we want you here and that’s how friendship works. 🙂 And if someone else says something that sounds kind of mean, you can ask them to clarify what they mean, and if they’re having a bad day or need forgiveness, you can reach out to them. We all need that sometimes.

I love that our forum is so full of friends. It seems to me like we can usually assume the best of each other and just keep on, you know? Featherheads forever. 🙂

[cadwick]

Madame Silder, thank you for posting that. It will help me allot.

Cadwick

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