Keystone Dam, Oklahoma — Hunter, a boy in Oklahoma on a nature walk with his grandparents, discovered the remains of a toothy cow this week. Long thought to have been extinct (or fictional), the toothicus bovinius primarily inhabited the Skreean forest region once known as Glipwood Forest. The toothy cows terrorized man, woman, child, and pet during the First Epoch, but sometime after the Glozing of Skree in 2/345 the king of Skree sent rangers to tame the terrors of Glipwood Forest. After the Great War in the Third Epoch, when Fangs invaded Skree, toothy cows flourished once again in the Glipwood Forest until the Clobidian Age, when they disappeared again without apparent cause. It is unclear why a toothy cow bone was found in Oklahoma, on a different plane of reality.
Imagine, then, poor Hunter’s shock when he made his discovery. “I was just sorta standing there, when all of a sudden I saw this bony thing and I knew it was a toothy cow. Somehow, I just knew.” He was unable to comment further, so violent was his trembling. Hunter’s grandparents expressed relief and gratitude for their grandson’s safety. “He avoided a grisly fate in the maw of a toothy cow by a mere several thousand years,” said his grandmother. “Or a simple rupture in the fabric of reality,” his grandfather added. “God was really looking out for him.”